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No One Mourns Glee Wiki
Plot The story starts as a manchild named Kyle finishes his time machine. "At last" he utters through his Canadian breath as the machine randomly jump starts and transports a bunch of random students into a gay man's dream - A Musical. They all sing 'Seasons Of Love' as Kyle looks around confused at this dream sequence. They all smile and wink at eachother, but then it transitions into a another dream sequence as everyone gathers in the Assembly hall. They all sit on benches as Kyle notices the uniforms. He quickly realises that it's a catholic school as he notices the priest at the front of the hall, Kyler and Nathan standing at either side of him holding candles. He begins to start a ceremony, welcoming all the seniors back. Joe, the closeted gay kid, gets up to the front as they all begin to sing 'Epiphany', as Kyler, Sydney, Lily and Nathan jump to the front pointing out how gay he is, push him around and tell him that he's a sin. As Joe falls to the ground the dream sequence ends and he finds himself daydreaming out the front of his school as Angelika slaps him across the face. "lmfao dumb cunt get your non-Estonian ass into skewl lmao bye xo" Angelika says before scampering off to class. The scene fades as we see Sydney sitting in her room, staring at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair. She's late for school, but she doesn't give a fuck. She begins to sing 'Mama Who Bore Me' and asks her mom where babies come from, but her mum tells her to shut her dirty whore sinning mouth so leaves to live with nana. She appears up for school later, and bumps into Joe, calling him an ugly skank dyke before running off. Joe begins to sing 'Beautiful', pointing out how fucking disgusting his school is, and introducing us to the main characters - Angelika, his loser best friend, Kyler some dickhead jock, and Matt the other dickhead jock. Then he introduces us to the hot bitches of the school, and shows his love for them and fingers himself because they're so hot and he wants to be them so badly. The heathers - Sydney, Lily and Nathan make their entrance, doing multiple back flips and splits, flashing a bit of sponge pudding to the hot boys and pursing their lips.They are so hot that they get their own colour of uniforms - Sydney wearing Green, Nathan wearing red and Lily wearing yellow. Lily was the main bitch of the group and she basically ran the school. Joe comes running up to them, slitting his wrists to be part of their group. He runs into the gender-neutral bathroom as Nathan vomits up his breakfast and Sydney and Lily stand guard. A Teacher walks in and tells them to go to class, but Joe writes a fake bathroom pass to help them and they give him a #soultry make over, making him the hottest (but still irrelevant) bitch in school. They all go to auditions for the school's musical version of 'Romeo and Juliet' and as usual the heathers get the main roles, like every year. Kyle plays a tree, but he chose that role so he could keep the fugly bitches on track and on-point, trying re-jolt their memories of each other from the dark, like a fucking creep. As sister Chantelle begins to narrow down the numbers for the large amount of auditions, they all sing and dance like angels to 'I Hope I Get It', people being cut left, right and centre. As The day comes to an end the girls who got into the musical all sing 'Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise)' because they all have mommy issues that will be covered in later episodes. Lily pushes Joe infront of a bus and calls him a homo then gets thrown in jail for the weekend as Joe recovers in hospital. Songs